Why even let them get close enough to touch your junk? Medieval man has provided us with a solution to the closet homosexuals hanging out in airports just panting for a chance to cop a feel.
It's called a "codpiece".
Now, we're not talking about some flimsy piece of fabric or those leather affairs that gay men like to prance about in.
No, we're talking about cold, hard, steel.
Let the bastards grab this instead.
Next time I have to fly, I'm showing up fashionably dressed for the occasion, just like the fellow below.
And if you're the parent of a small child, and don't want to see him or her molested like this poor kid by Chester The TSA Molester, make sure he or she is also suitably attired.
Even the Chinese are getting in on the act. Watch this hilarious video below.